What God Is Not (A Theography)
I love the idea of theography (writing about one's personal experience with God), as opposed to theology (making claims about the nature or character of God). I love the humility of theography, which seems to say, "I don't understand God, and I cannot create definitions or concepts that accurately portray who God is. All I can tell you is my own experience with God, which need not be in competition with yours." The theographer is less interested in catching and canonizing some truth about divinity than in receiving gifts of wonder and beauty, and sharing these gifts with others. I want to do theography.
My problem is that there is little or nothing in my life that I think of as experience with God. Regardless of it's cause, this absence of experience makes theography somewhat difficult to do. It seems to me that I can talk with far more certainty about what God has not done in my life than about what he has done. Hence, if I am to present a theography, it must be a negative one. (I mean negative in the sense of focused on what is not, rather than what is, not in the sense of pessimistic or overcritical, though I fear some of you will take it that way.)
Please note: I will use the words "God is not" to mean "I have personally experienced God not to be" or "I have personally come to understand God not to be". I recognize that this may make my statements sound dangerously authoritative (that is, theological), but I stress that I do not intend to convey anything beyond my own personal and highly subjective experience. Perhaps it would be better if I used one of the latter expressions, but they're just so damned unwieldy. Anyway, here we go.
God is not a vending machine. He is not an electronic salesman, hawking joy or blessing or Spirit-power like OhHenrys in school hallways. No proper ritual of prayer and desire and tithing and good deeds can produce my desired results in the manner of D-5 and one dollar. God cannot be predicted. God cannot be bought. God does not come with instructions, and he does not offer refunds. God is not a vending machine.
God is not a promise. I cannot "test him in this" - not for wealth, not for guidance, not for good gifts, or the Spirit, or the movement of mountains. God does not come with special offers or complimentary gifts. God is not a policy or a contract, and he cannot be brandished to ward of pain, nor presented to gain access to pleasure. God is not a promise.
God is not answers. He presents no special insight into science, politics, or ethics. He endorses no worldview. He reveals no plans. Seeking does not beget finding. Supplication does not beget response. Study does not beget infallibility. God is not answers.
God is not my friend. He does not offer companionship, he does not he share his life with mine. God is not touch, heat, or arms to hold me. God does not confides in me. God will not come to me when he's hurt or confused. He will not hang out with me, or write me e-mails, or buy me coffee. God is not nearness or oneness or a kindred spirit. God is not my friend.
God is not my father. He does not hold, guide, instruct or inspire. A father must be more than the cause of my existence. A father must be more than a benefactor, more than an authority. A father who has no time to spend with his child is not a father. A father who does not talk with his child, comfort him, listen to him, or laugh with him is not a father. God is not my father.
So there you go. Once again, that's my experience. It's not meant to contest with yours. It's also not meant to evoke any particular emotional response, nor is it meant to sound bitter or whiny or accusatory. If it comes across somewhat differently than it was intended to (and it does, at least to me) I suspect this is a result of the reader being conditioned to think of experience with God within very narrow parameters. I present this theography partially because I think it's beneficial for us to question such parameters.
I welcome you to respond with your own theography (or any comments you have about mine). You may use any style or format that you wish, and you need not address any of the points I've touched on. What's your experience with God?
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4 comments:
God is.
I think my theography is also God is. I don't know what else to say.
My life has been rich with my experiences with God.
In my childhood he was the feeling of someone watching over me at night. Someone I could talk to and feel comfort from.
In my teenage years he was an ideal to reach for. A straining towards beauty and truth.
In my adulthood he has become a mystery. An enigma that keeps me searching for clues deep within myself.
But, like the Isrealites who were given miracles and wonders as a sign that God was near, I never truly appreciated his presence until it was withdrawn. Just a few years ago my life hit rock bottom. I knew I was making bad choices and I could no longer feel God. He was gone entirely, allowing me to handle the situation on my own. It was at that moment that I realized what God's presence was because of his absence.
I don't know if it is the force of my imagination or truly God's hand but I believe that he is there and has been there for every moment of my life. I believe he has heard and answered prayers and guided me towards growth. I agree with all your negatives, save one. I believe that seeking does beget finding. The problem is that we often have a specific answer in mind when we ask the question.
I am an atheist and came to this after years of falling away from church, being spiritual, then agnostic and finally not believing.
Yet, because I was part of a church community for so long, I have very defined ideas of God. In fact, I find it offensive when I feel that people believe because it's going to get them something.
Thus, I found your piece very much to my liking. It's how I always viewed God back when I believed. In fact, it's still how I view God if you can simultaneously hold a view of God while stating there isn't one. Somewhat like insisting that your favorite character on a sitcom wouldn't do x, y, or z.
So thank you for concisely stating an atheist's idea of God. I'm sure that wasn't your intent. :)
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