Damp Kneecap: Weak 3

Hm, I don't really feel like writing right now.  Mostly I'm not sure what to say.  I was an assistant Director this week, which is not nearly so much work as counseling, which I'm doing next week.  All I can think about now is that I don't want to be a counselor tomorrow.  Crap.  Crap, crap, crap.  alright, let's do this.
I had a kind of ok week.  I'm still trying to do this get back to the being a good Christian thing.  It's kind of boring, almost annoying.  It's like deciding to start running, or eating healthy, or any of these things that people do.  Even though I know in my mind that starting to read my Bible and pray again won't solve all my problems and make me happy and actually feel closer to God, it's still kind of disappointing when it doesn't happen.  I've been telling myself for months that this is the way Christianity is, you just do the stuff you're supposed to do and there's nothing mystical or super-exciting about it, but man, it's still lame.
So I'm not sure how I feel.  I'm not depressed.  I'm not angry or frustrated or confused.  But I'm not particularly happy either.  Content?  Almost, except that I'm a counselor again in a few hours.  I did what I set out to do: I read and prayed this week.  It did nothing for me, but that doesn't really bug me.  I will do my best to stick with this, even though I see no point.  The speaker this last week said the only real reason he can think of to pray is that God wants us to.  I wonder if that's the only reason to do anything he tells us to do.
Ok, I'm gone again.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz right now, a book I believe you recommended to my office mate.

While the majority of it is fairly uninteresting and trite, one passage in particular caught my attention. The author is doing a radio interview where the interviewer asks him to defend christianity, and he refuses. He says that too many people have been wronged, hurt, and judged by people and groups associated with that word, and that he can't defend it or them. Instead, he talks about Jesus.

More and more I think my disillusionment is with christianity, with "the Christ". I think I need to focus on Jesus, the man. I need to read the apostles with a view to emulating him.

I also need to get to work. I hope your week at camp is illuminating.

__________________________________________________
Wandering StarThey are wild waves of the sea,
foaming up their shame;
wandering stars,
for whom blackest darkness
has been reserved forever.

Anonymous said...

Soren:

Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?

__________________________________________________
Wandering Star
They are wild waves of the sea,
foaming up their shame;
wandering stars,
for whom blackest darkness
has been reserved forever.