Introspection
This post was originally published at Save Africa '06.
The other day Pete happened upon an advertisement for an evening with Phillip Yancey, and I forced everyone to go. Nothing he said was particularly interesting to me, except that his next book, due in September, will be about prayer, and if it really does anything. (I think the title is something like "Prayer: Does it Really Do Anything?") That's kind of exciting for me because I've been thinking about prayer a fair bit recently. I suppose I've been having a bit of a crisis of faith. (This happens to me every so often.) I'm trying to decide whether I really believe in Christianity or if I just say I do because things are easier that way. It's been about nine months since I decided that what one believes is more or less irrelevant, and all that really matters is how one lives. (Hence I claim to be a Christian not because of anything I think or feel, but because I try to follow Jesus in loving people and be selfless. Real Live Preacher argues for this kind of Christianity.) But now I’m wondering if Christianity is more than just a title you can give yourself. Besides being raised in a Christian home and associating with Christians, in what way am I like Christians? I don't read my Bible or pray regularly, in fact I don't even like or understand the Bible and prayer a lot of the time. I've never felt close to God. I don't see God at work in the world or in human lives. I'm drawn somewhat to the life and message of Jesus, but is that alone enough for me to call myself a Christian? I'm not sure what I think about his divinity, his resurrection, miraculous power, etc. (nor do I particularly care), and I know I don’t believe that one must accept these things to escape eternal damnation. I enjoy the perks of calling myself a Christian (community and the opportunity for service) but maybe it’s dishonest.
Not sure what all of this has to do with South Africa. I guess I came here partially because I want to see God at work powerfully and openly, and people tell me Africa is where he does that. Maybe I'm in the wrong part of Africa. Or maybe I'm eating too much steak and thinking too much about the Oilers. But I was at this Yancey thing and they were talking about a prison in South Africa where these people started a Christian ministry and the inmates were transformed and the murder rate plummeted and BBC sent a crew to report on it. I think when I heard that I realized I don’t believe this kind of thing is miraculous at all (good, certainly, and perhaps influenced by God, but not miraculous). This makes me sad.
I think Church is really built on shared experience. A bunch of people can work and worship and fellowship together because they have the same beliefs, and they have the same beliefs largely because they have the same experiences. I wonder if it’s really possible for someone like me who doesn't have those critical beliefs and experiences to be a full member of the club. No matter how much I like the Oilers, no matter how good I feel when I go to their games, no matter how much I want to be a part of the team, I will never be an Oiler, because I suck at hockey. Maybe there’s nothing to be done about that.
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4 comments:
I realized I don’t believe this kind of thing is miraculous at all (good, certainly, and perhaps influenced by God, but not miraculous).
I think maybe the problem is in the modernist distinction between "natural" and "miraculous". The ancient world did not draw such a fine line between the two. I think they realized something that most modern people don't. God's involvement is not limited to the things we can't otherwise explain.
The gospel of John, for example, refers to Jesus' healings and other works of wonder as "signs," not "miracles" (John 2:11, 4:54, 20:30, for example). Although at least one popular translation calls these "miraculous signs," the original Greek term does not necessarily connote "miraculous". A perfectly ordinary, natural event could be just as much a sign as a supernatural healing.
I think we lose something if we look for God only in what we call "miracles" (and I'm not suggesting that's what you are doing). To see, as you put it, God's influence in this prison ministry is (IMO) just as much a sign of God's presence as an inexplicably miraculous event would be.
A bunch of people can work and worship and fellowship together because they have the same beliefs, and they have the same beliefs largely because they have the same experiences. I wonder if it’s really possible for someone like me who doesn't have those critical beliefs and experiences to be a full member of the club.
I've felt the same thing in many churches I've attended. I'm fortunate to now be a member of a church that does not impose doctrinal agreement on its members. We've got the whole range from ultraconservative to very liberal. Still, this comes at a price: The whole sense of community is diminished. I don't know if there is a good solution to this problem, frankly.
Oh Joel,
reading your blog makes me have this fantastic empathy. I'm thinking that it is best to stick with the Christianity thing because quite frankly, you can't do it on your own, you are no superman.(scrubs) And it is really hard to make a new pagan church, although i here the church of Satan down in california is not all that bad. I'm seriously considering starting to go to church and say that i believe everything so i can get back into being a faithful servant. Religion shouldn't be about what you believe it should be about where you were born and who you know.
Now see here, Bean. It's been entirely too long since we've talked. I'm a bit busy for the next two weeks or so but I'll be back on our home continent at the beginning of July. I assume you're summering in Edmonton. If this is the case we simply must have coffee some time.
hey joel,
i'll be in edmonton for a couple of days in july 5th until 9th maybe acouple days longer, it's a date.
nathan
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