So about Blogging...

I have some mixed feelings about all this. I guess it's cool that I have a soapbox now - a place to rant about politics or hockey or whatever. But hopefully that won't be what I do. If you know me, you'll know that I hate talking about superficial stuff. I'm hoping this will be a sort of window into my mind and heart for those who might be interested. This is cool because maybe I'll do less e-mailing, and my Mom won't have to always be nagging me to go do something "important", like mow the lawn. I'm hoping that through this the people who care about me will always be kept up to date with my thoughts, and the people who don't care won't feel obligated to pretend to. And I won't have to resort to mass emails. The thing is, it feels kind of weird to post my heart and soul on the internet for anyone to see. It kind of makes me feel naked. Kind of. I don't know. The main thing is that if I'm going to be posting the things I'm thinking about, there are some people I wouldn't want seeing it. I'm not ashamed of my thoughts and convictions, but most of the time they're kind of dark, and not particularly edifying. I should explain that I'm a Christian, and my "relationship with God" is the biggest thing I think about, and will therefore likely be the focus of this Blog. The only snag is that my feelings towards God are often angry and frustrated, so it's not what you'd call "uplifting" or "inspiring" or any of those things that it seems all Christian literature tries to be. I tend to question the basic Christian stuff that we're all supposed to believe, and I'm not afraid to speak my mind to others or to God. (Although I have chosen to "protect my identity". I figure those of you who know me know me, and those of you who I might not want to know that I think this way won't have to have a rude awakening. If you're wondering why I'm "Jacob", it's the story of him wrestling with God in Genesis 32) Anyway, this kind of thinking is not for everyone, and I certainly don't think less of those who can believe without questioning and always be happy with God. Let me say that again: To those of you who are apologetic to me about your "child-like faith", please believe that I don't think less of you. We're just different. Anyway, if you're wondering about the title, Psalm 13 seems to really sum up my life right now. ...Except for the part about enemies. I don't have many of those yet. If you're not familiar with this particular Psalm, (it's not the kind that gets read in Church much) here it is.

1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD ,
for he has been good to me.